#5 - Presenting to you the first episode of "Meet the Parent"

In the last couple of weeks, we discussed two scientifically-backed studies:

1. Serve & Return (encouraging you to notice your child’s serves) and

2. Language Nutrition (discouraging you from feeding your children’s brain with ‘fast food’).

Research is refined, but parenting is raw

It’s a no-brainer that parenting is tough and rewarding. It is raw. I would be making a grave mistake if I tried to preach what “ideal parenting” is through this newsletter. So I wanted to present to you the other side of it: How things actually unfold at homes, which most often looks like:

Meet the parent - Episode 1: Mridula Swamy

This week, I bring to you a candid interview with Mridula, a single parent of two wonderful boys aged 12 and 9 years old. I’ve been fascinated at the way she approaches parenting (and life in general), and the positivity with which she approaches tough situations. I especially loved the “Eat a meal on the floor” challenge that she completed recently with her children, and decided to find out more about it!

I’m sure each of us will take away something unique from her experience, so I will present her responses “as is”. Let’s hear it from her:

Tell us a bit more about you

I’ve been teaching Cambridge and IB economics and facilitating a course called the Theory of Knowledge at Akshar Arbol International School for the last 8 years. I’m a single parent of two awesome boys - Aadhav and Vihaan - who are 12 and 9 years old. We love to dance, play sports, read and listen to music. As a family, we believe in reducing our environmental impact by composting, segregating and consuming less. We enjoy socializing and spending time at beachy places.

I’ve enjoyed the posts on social media on your parenting experiences, especially the “Eat a meal on the floor challenge” with your children. Can you tell us about it?

Children are the best motivators when you want to try out any kind of lifestyle change. They are enthusiastic about trying out new ideas, and once you start, they hold you accountable to keeping up/ following through.

We started the “eat a meal on the floor” challenge after I saw a post by yoga teacher, Ms.Shantala. It described the health benefits of sitting on the floor and so we tried it out. Turned out that Vihaan, who is a super slow eater, finished his meals much faster - maybe because it was more uncomfortable to dilly dally on the floor! It also allowed for more intimate conversation among us.

If you were to reflect on this routine, what would be some of the highlights or key learnings for you as a parent, and also for your kids?

Once you start, follow through - only then your children know you mean it. Ideate with them and incorporate their suggestions as well, so it doesn’t seem like you are dictating rules (we do enough of that!)

You went through a marital separation a few years ago. How did it change your approach to parenting?

I think we owe it to our children to be positive, strong and optimistic. Difficult marriages and separations can be very taxing on one’s mental health and I felt it was important to stay away from negative thoughts. I started dancing, yoga, socializing with friends and reading more to keep myself upbeat. My parents have been hugely supportive of my leading a balanced life and they take over childcare to enable all this. My sons see that I am excited and look forward to each day - this definitely rubs off on them and helps them realize how fortunate they are and how fun life can be!

Being a single parent has reduced gender stereotypes in our household because they see that mom can do anything a woman or a man does. This frees them to be anything they want to be.

How have your children reacted to this change?

Children are a blank slate - they feed off their parents’ emotions. By staying strong and optimistic, I hope I have helped them realize they can be the same. At the same time, I have not tried to seem invincible. I tell them what my frustrations and difficulties are about being a single parent and ask them to bear with me on my difficult days. This not only does it make them more empathetic to others’ feelings, but it also encourages them to open up to me about what they are going through.

Parenting is both tough and rewarding. What are some strategies that you use to wind down on a difficult day and how do you celebrate little successes?

Humour is a powerful tool - being able to laugh at myself and laugh at situations help reduce tensions and irritations. The boys are extremely funny and can see the silly or ridiculous side of most situations.

We talk and share as often as we can - when I’m cooking when we walk or drive to places, at meals and at bedtime. This helps all of us understand each other better.

As they become foodies, we’ve started bonding over good meals - I cook ‘fancy’ stuff at times and we go out to eat or for dessert.

Finally, we end each day reading a book. This helps all of us wind down.

Thanks, Mridula, for sharing your experiences with this community of parents and educators! To me, it was like unlocking a gold mine!

Would you like to be featured?

Do you have interesting thoughts to share with this community? If you wish to be featured on the newsletter, I’m happy to connect with you. Let’s learn from each other’s experiences! :)